When a Child Dies: John 11, a Vase, and a Teacup

A precious baby was born this week. In the space of an hour, he wove his history into the fabric of the lives of his family and their friends and people who knew his story. Of the millions of things that can go wrong as a baby grows towards birth, one of them did. His parents knew for several weeks to expect a brief stay. With grace and steadfast faith, they chose to love him well as long as they had him. They called him Nehemiah, “God is our comfort,” and prepared to treasure him intensely every minute he was here, and they did.

What do you tell children when a baby dies?

A bouncy little girl came to Children’s Church for the first time, so excited to finally be old enough to join our class! She was sunshine on two feet – exuberant and smiley and eager to learn. That afternoon an accident in her home turned off the sun for her family and friends.

What do you tell children when a child who is their friend dies?

These shortest of lives catch us off guard. We see the decline of our parents and older friends and ready our hearts for the day their health fails and their full lives overflow into eternity. We know, theoretically, statistically, that humans of every age may die, but it never becomes normal to say good-bye to a young person, a child, a baby. Our hearts do not accept this change in rhythm without protest. The hearts of children are not tuned to death at all, and we do not want them to enter this arena too abruptly. But life events may force our hand.

How were we to press on in Children’s Church, honoring our friend, Carey, acknowledging her passing, and yet not dwelling in the shadow of death? What will we tell the children we know who experience the death of a baby? There is help in John 11, the raising of Lazarus, and in a vase and a teacup.


John 11

John records Jesus speaking to his disciples, saying some confusing things, things even children will notice. “This sickness will not end in death,” Jesus said. Nearly in the same breath, he told them clearly, “Lazarus is dead.” As verse follows verse, it is revealed that Jesus spoke the truth, as He always does. Lazarus was dead, but his sickness did not end in death. The Resurrection and the Life called him back from the impossible, no-exit condition of death, and Lazarus came. Like the disciples and Mary and Martha, we are sometimes presented with confusing developments, including the sudden passing of a friend or loved one. We may not understand what God is doing, but we can trust Him to be keeping His promises, working for our good, standing for us, calling us from death to Life.


A Vase and a Teacup



Picture a tall vase, complex in its design and impressive in size – a stunning piece of craftsmanship taking days, perhaps weeks, of skilled effort to create. Beside this vase, gingerly place a miniature teacup, delicate and graceful, a piece equally breathtaking but a less time-consuming labor. Both are signed by the same master artisan.

God forms some of his people-clay into vases, larger vessels with intricate patterns, crafted in spans of years that become decades. No less precious are the teacup lives he fashions, miniature works of fine detail and execution achieved in fewer days, sometimes hours, even minutes. Both are fit to hold the purposes of God, to contain the glory that is His image in us.

Whether for a life of minutes, hours, days or years, we are knit together in our mothers’ wombs according to God’s intentional design. Vases and teacups alike are vessels of glory and power and redemption in His hands and will pour out the same praise to King Jesus.